Hot Pocket

I was reading Lollie's blog just now, and came across a post about Hot Pockets. I noticed that H had made a comment about her boyfriend, Bill, stuffing an entire Hot Pocket in his mouth to win a $5 bet. She says "He got his five dollars but hasn't touched a Hot Pocket since." That's half true, he has not touched a Hot Pocket since that fateful day, but he never received $5. In fact, he was doing this so he wouldn't have to pay me $5.

You see, in those days, Bill and I would go to Perkins late at night, just for some food and something to do. Jim, one of our other roommates, had made a statement saying he would never go to Perkins with us again, because most of the time was just spent laughing at something that was most likely inane. On one of these trips, when we were paying at the counter, Bill would give me $5 if I asked the guy at the register if he made all of the muffins, cookies, Rice Crispy treats, etc. that were in the display case. So of course I did, it was an easy $5, and Bill was instantly cursing himself. (if anyone knows me, I have no problem doing something like this. Bill knew me, and was not drunk or anything. It was a momentary lapse of judgment, and not his last of the story.) I had agreed that instead of Bill paying the $5, I would make some sort of bet for Bill to do, and we'd be even. It took a few weeks, but I came up with a good one.

One day Jim was making a Hot Pocket for lunch, when we were all sitting around the apartment. I made the bet with Bill that if he stuffed the entire Hot Pocket in his mouth, and kept it down and swallowed, we would be even. Jim made a deal, where if Bill ate his Hot Pocket, Jim would punch him. And for every piece of Hot Pocket that fell out of his mouth, Bill would receive an additional punch. For some reason, Bill agreed. And for some reason, I didn't grab my video camera to document the happenings.

Bill made a valiant effort, he got nearly all of the Hot Pocket into his mouth at once. But two little bits fell out, so Jim got off a 3-punch combo that would've made Ali proud. All in the midsection. All while Bill still had the Hot Pocket in his mouth. And much to his credit, Bill kept the Hot Pocket in his mouth and eventually swallowed. At least I think he did, I was on the ground with tears in my eyes from laughing.

So there's the full story. And now that I think about it, Haley might need to make a bet with me, since she had said she would give me something like $26 if I walked past and made some sort of contact with this woman with gigantic boobs on the dance floor of some bar in Minneapolis. It was easy, I just walked behind her like I was trying to get through the crowd, and placed my hands on her shoulders for support. She probably needed the support more than I did, she was rather top-heavy and any sort of nudge most likely would have sent her toppling. So H, next time we're together, I'll have to figure out some sort of escapade for you.