Dear Zach Braff,

Are you seriously out to get me? Do you want to reduce me to a whimpering pile of pathetic? Because if you keep it up, you may just get me there.

First item: Garden State. The first two times I watched this movie, it had different affects on me. Initially, I watched it right after my girlfriend at the time left for school. You had the whole part about leaving someone you cared for/were in a relationship. The second time was the night that I found out my grandma died, and I had to leave for Arkansas the next day. The movie starts with your character's mom's death, and you have to leave for New Jersey. Not quite the same, but close enough to slightly bother me. Plus, I always felt like I should like this movie more than I actually did, sorry.

Second item: The Last Kiss (fixed, thanks Haley!!). I don't know if I need to say too much about it, other than it left me feeling empty and sad.

Third item: Scrubs (season 6). Some not so funny moments, some very sad moments. And come on, your (for this, you=JD) girlfriend gets an internship a long ways away, and you have a long-distance relationship. Ok. Then, you go see your girlfriend, stuff happens, you talk about staying together, that the internship will be over and she'll come back and you guys will be happy. Turns out the internship was parlayed into a full-time job. Are you serious? Were you hanging around my house last summer to get story ideas? And then the relationship ends. Come on man, why you even gotta do a thing? Seriously, that hurt. A little too close to home, if you will, especially the timing of the initial airing of the episode. Honestly, a week later. A week. (I cannot emphasize this enough, the coincidence between my situation and what was happening in the show was almost too much for me to take.) Next thing you know, you're going to be moving away, going to Boston. If that happens, I swear I will demand royalties. Really. I know this guy, Bill, who knows where the show is filmed. I've been there, we have pictures to prove it. We'll stand outside of Sacred Heart and demand retribution. Or at least an apology, and a speaking role in an episodes, with proper compensation. I could be a patient who has glaucoma, but is morally opposed to marijuana. That'd be good, right? Sure, it maybe wouldn't have the drama aspect you seem to be aiming for lately, but I could just be a small part of the episode. Maybe the main story can be about some soon-to-be music teacher developing some sort of painful, fatal disease, discovered when he goes in to get his knees examined. You know, just to turn the knife in my back one more time.

I hope you've learned something from this, and maybe do a story arc about your character winning a million dollars, or do a movie about someone who makes an improbable run to the Major Leagues at the age of 26 or 27. I'd appreciate it.

Sincerely,
The Flenker (a.k.a. your inspiration)


ps - this is post 99. The next one will be a special one, I promise!