Friday, May 25, 2007

Unified Theory of Flenker, phase the second (the drooling dog comparison)

I'm taking a little break here on trying to catch up on the new seasons of Entourage and The Office. A rough, exciting life I'm leading lately. But in my busy, busy, busy recent days (read: sitting around in my underwear until around noon), I've been reflecting a little more, because that what people do in those situations, right? Well, it's lead me to the second part of the Universal Theory of Flenker: The Drooling Dog Comparison

This actually came up in a conversation a month or two ago, about how I handle myself in social situation. My actions were aptly likened to the many different types of drooling dogs one can encounter.

First is the normal, hound-dog drooler. This dog just kind hangs out, looks around, and doesn't really do too much moving around. He's just drooling because that's what he does. He's comfortable, but doesn't really feel like putting too much effort into anything at all. He's just fine with the way things are, and appreciates any attention thrown his way, but won't be put out if none is given. And really, the hound-dog is just there for the food.

Second up is the excited puppy. Now this little guy doesn't quite know what's going on around him, but whatever it is, he likes. He can't quite control himself, all of these things are new to him, so he's looking around, all over the place, trying to let everyone know (at the same time) that things are fun! He's running around, saying hi to everyone and everything he sees, and while he may be getting slobber all over the place, people think it's cute and don't really mind him being under leg all the time. People enjoy the excited puppy, and like having him around. He's a happy pup.

Next is the old, decrepit dog. No one really wants this guy around, but will put up with him, and occasionally will try to make him feel welcome. This old dog does not care about feeling welcome, in fact, he wants everyone to know that he doesn't really want to be there, but doesn't have too much of a say in things. He drools, but doesn't really know it, and really doesn't care. He won't do anything to help his situation because he doesn't want to put in the effort. His hips hurt, he doesn't get around too much, and he likes it that way. He's cranky, irritable, and sometimes a little smelly.

Finally, there's the dog that drools because he just lapped up a lot of water, some of it made it in the mouth, but most of it is on his jowls and basically everywhere else. I don't really know if I need to elaborate too much more on this one, jump to your own conclusions.

So yeah. Most of the time, I'm an excited puppy, happy to be places. Sometimes I'm the hound-dog, content to just chill and enjoy myself, but not running around and causing a ruckus. Very occasionally I can be the old dog that doesn't want to enjoy himself, and I'll just be a pain in the ass all night long for anyone tending to me. The fourth guy can kind of fit in with the others, I think any of them can end up there eventually.

Look for the next installment of the Unified Theory of Flenker, where I delve into the observations I've made on couples. Good times!


H said...

I'm definitely looking forward to the observations made about couples as I have made a few observations of my own and am interested to hear what yours are.

Marin said...

A little miffed that you couldn't mention my influence in this theory. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I developed this theory months ago (mostly in criticism of his social tendencies) and Flenker confirmed.

Marin said...

Didn't mean to sound so harsh. It indeed takes a special person with a certain amount of maturity to admit comfort in their social awkwardness... :)

H said...

Marin, I had no idea that Flenker was taking your ideas and passing them off as his own.

Actually, yes I did kind of have an idea that Flenker was taking your ideas and passing them off as his own, but I would never have admitted it publicly. But now that I have found out that the Unified Theory of Flenker is actually partially the Unified Theory of Marin and, this just changes everything.

Flenker said...

now wait just a minute, this has been the only "shared" corollary so far to make it into the UTF. I promise. And from now on, all co-conspirators will be fully disclosed. That was a mistake by me, made at 3 this morning. Forgiveness, please