Dear McDonalds,

Why do you have to keep luring me back to you? I know your food is disgusting, and shouldn't be eaten by anyone. But why can I not help myself sometimes? I mean, the double cheeseburger is only a dollar. A dollar!! And you have that new McFlurry, that ties in with the new Shrek movie somehow, that is delicious. How can I help myself? Then there's the McChicken sandwich, which is also only a dollar. Don't even get me started on the McGriddle. (It's a good thing that I'm rarely out and about when breakfast is being served.) It's just not fair. Luckily for me, after having the food, I remember why I don't go to your stores too often. I feel like dying. I'm afraid I may not make it through the night. But in a week or two, I'll have forgotten all about this episode, and it'll be midnight, and I'll be hungry and lazy. The one thing I have going for me is that you're like a mile or more away from me, and I don't like driving.

One last thing, please don't introduce any more milkshakes, or make them cheaper, because if you do that, I may as well switch to exclusively wearing sweatpants. Belts will not be able to hold me. It's bad enough that I have to deal with the Shamrock Shake once a year.

Sincerely,

Flenker