Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The First Annual Flenkys

Welcome to the first annual Flenkys! We're here today to acknowledge the best and brightest from 2007 in the world of music, movies, and anything else that I can come up with! So without further ado, let's hand out some awards!

Movie Section

Best Movie seen by Flenker
  • No Country for Old Men
  • Juno
  • King of Kong
  • Ratatouille
  • I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With
  • Hot Fuzz
And the winner is. . . No Country for Old Men!!!

While there were some excellent movies in the year 2007, for me, by far, the best one was No Country for Old Men. I mean, it got a rare 6 Flenker Thumbs Up!!!

Biggest Badass in a Movie
  • Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men
    The Flenky goes to. . . Javier Bardem!
Again, not even close. Not another contender for this one. He wins.

Random Section

Best Overused Word of 2007

  • "green"
  • "the"
  • "change
"Green," come on down!

Seriously, it was ridiculous.

Biggest Waste of Government Money in 2007
  • Congress investigation into steroids in baseball
  • War in Middle East
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a tie!!!

What the hell? On both accounts! One, why is congress taking its time investigating steroids or HGH or whatever? I guess they don't think they have other, more important things going on. Like a fucking war that no one likes.

Sports Section

Best Sports Story - Baseball
  • White Sox Suck
  • Colorado Rockies make the Series
  • Cardinals Suck
  • Mets Choke
  • Royals (slightly) improve
The Flenky goes to. . . The Rockies!

They went on a ridiculous streak to end the season and force a one-game playoff with the Padres, won that in dramatic fashion, then tore through the NL playoffs. Sure, the National League is kind of like Quadruple-A, and it showed in the Series, but still, very very impressive.

Best Sports Story - Football (College)
  • Notre Dame Sucks really bad
  • Iowa beats Illinois
  • Stanford beats USC
  • Appalachian State beats Michigan
  • Iowa State loses to UNI
Notre Dame, you won something!!

For as many struggles as the Hawkeyes had, it cheered me up to no end to see the Fighting Irish do so terribly. Any season in which they're terrible is a good season.

Best Sports Story - Football (Professional)
  • Reggie Bush makes slightly more money in pros than he did at USC
  • Mario Williams becomes a beast
  • Patriots go undefeated (regular season)
  • Rex Grossman's and Kyle Orton's neck beard
  • Bob Sanders - Defensive Player of the Year
Bobby Sanders, here's a Flenky!

I gotta stick with the Hawkeye here. He was a monster this season, signing the highest-paying contract for a safety, and laying down the law.

Best Sporting Event Attended by Flenker in 2007
  • Iowa vs Northern Illinois @ Soldier Field, Chicago
  • Kansas City Royals @ Milwaukee Brewers, Miller Park, Milwaukee, WI
  • Syracuse vs Iowa, Kinnick Stadium, Iowa City, IA
  • Twins @ Royals, Kauffman Stadium, Kansas City, MO
  • Astros @ Cubs, Wrigley Field, Chicago, IL
  • Chicago Bulls @ Washington Wizards, Verizon Center, Washington, DC
The award goes to. . . Iowa vs Northern Illinois!

This was such a great atmosphere, like a bowl game (and the closest game the Hawkeyes played in to a bowl game), tons of Iowa fans, and a trip to Chicago. What more could you ask for??

Music Section

Best Song

  • The New Pornographers - "Challengers"
  • Animal Collective - "Fireworks"
  • Of Montreal - "A Sentence of Sorts in Kongsvinger"
  • Spoon - "The Underdog"
  • Loney, Dear - "I am John"
  • Devendra Banhart - "Lover"
  • The Apples in Stereo - "7 Stars"
In the closest category of the day, the award for Best Song goes to The Apples in Stereo!

This was a tough choice. All of the songs listed were great, and then there were so many other that could have been nominated. But "7 Stars" just makes me feel good, gets me going. I'm pretty sure it was a 6-way tie for second.

Album of the Year
  • Loney, Dear - Loney, Noir
  • Radiohead - In Rainbows
  • Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are you the Destroyer?
  • Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
  • The New Pornographers - Challengers
  • The Apples in Stereo - New Magnetic Wonder
In another close one, Radiohead takes the Flenky!

Radiohead's innovative method of release (pay-what-you-want) worked incredibly well, and their innovative music was even better. I think they'll go down in annals as one of the best bands of our generation.

Best Concert Attended by Flenker
  • Reel Big Fish - LeClair Park, Davenport, IA
  • Jose Gonzalez - The Parish Room, Austin, TX
  • Loney, Dear with Of Montreal - First Ave, Minneapolis, MN
  • Project Jenny, Project Jan with Fujiya and Miyagi - Club De Ville, Austin, TX
  • Animal Collective - The Picador, Iowa City, IA
The Flenky goes to PJ, PJ with Fujiya and Miyagi!

This was a fun show, with good company, a few gin and tonics, and excellent music, all around. Plus, I was able to talk with both bands, and got the feeling that they both loved what they were doing. How can that be bad?

Mixed Media Section

Best Book I Read (note: books may not have been published in 2007, but I read them anyways!)

  • You Shall Know Our Velocity! by Dave Eggers
  • What is the What? by Dave Eggers
  • A Weekend of Long Goodbyes by Paul Murray
  • Moneyball by Michael Lewis
  • Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris
You Shall Know Our Velocity!, you win!

Not quite the runaway that Best Movie was, but a fairly easy choice for me. I loved all of these books, but this one just had something to it that made it stand out above the rest.

Best Short Story Read by Flenker (see above for qualifier)
  • All Aboard the Bloated Boat: Arguments in Favor of Barry Bonds by Lee Klein
  • Love and Honor and Pity and Pride and Compassion and Sacrifice by Nam Le
  • About the Man Who Began Flying After Meeting Her by Dave Eggers
  • American by Joshua Clark
Lee Klein gets his first Flenky!

This was one of the most well-written, well-argued pieces of work I've ever read. It deserves its own post, and will probably get one soon.

Best Video Game of 2007
  • NCAA Football 2008 (Xbox360)
  • Madden '08 (Wii)
  • Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)
  • Rock Band (Xbox360)
NCAA Football is the winner!

I almost put The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess up there, but it was released in 2006, so I couldn't do it. NCAA '08 is a great game, though. Almost enough to make me buy an Xbox, just so I could play it.

Screw You I'm Giving Myself
Some Awards Section

Best Post on The Politics of Lonely
Super cute girl, you may not have noticed, but here's a Flenky!

It's still one of my favorite posts, I was funny back then. And the girl was really cute.

Best Gimmick at The Politics of Lonely
And the winner is. . . Flenker Thumbs Up!

I like watching movies. And I like putting lots of little pictures of me in a goofy pose up. It's the obvious choice.

And finally, the last award of the day

Most Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence

ooh, the suspense!

The winner is Dwight Howard, for this play, which made me stand up in the middle of the bar and yell "oh my!!!", right in the middle of a conversation. I remember this moment well

Howard has a good chance at this award again next year for his performance in the Slam Dunk contest, but he may get a run for his money from this guy

So, thanks for coming, everyone looked so nice all dressed up. Make sure you pick up some trash on the way out, instead of getting janitors, we got this gigantic inflatable cat.

Come back again next year!


Cheryl said...

No Country for Old Men? Are you kidding me?! I haven't exactly seen that particular movie yet... but how could it possibly beat Trapped in the Closet? Hands down the winner. Unless NCFOM has R Kelly singing the plot of the entire movie, which I highly doubt.

Jack said...

Flenkys Fan #1

Whiskeymarie said...

Good choices all around- though I'll have to take your word for a bunch of them.
However, I will have to challenge your "best film" choice.
No "Employee of the Month"????
Seriously? WTF?
Man, I need to go to my "quiet place" and contemplate this...
Poor, poor Dane Cook. And Jessica? What about the Jessica?

charczuk said...

I think you should make the Flenky's open to vote. Like, depending on how many comments we've made on your blog, contributions, guest posts, we get a vote for the Flenky's...It'd be pretty sweet. I'd rather vote for these than the grammy's anyway...

OH, OH, OH, or we bring back the Chris and Chris show with our own blog dedicated to music and we have an awards for that! We might even be able to swing podcasts...

Anonymous said...


Awesome post. I will listen to In Rainbows to show my solidarity, friend. Some days I live for "All I Need."

That is somehow annoyingly redundant.


Hannita said...

Thanks for making me laugh. I read this ages ago but came back to say that. And to see the inflatable cat again.

lucy said...

this post wins a Lucy-awarded Flenky for 'Post That Earned The Most Smiles.'

i loved it. and i can't wait to check out the music recs... :]